Two Way Prayer – 3rd May 2020

Infinity grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: try tune in although surrounded by people. Someone send me a pain filled angry ranting comment on one of my posts. It’s still pending. I don’t know whether to ignore or reply by email or on here.


Tuning in is a gift. Giving to others is connection in the best way. Even if it’s frustrating and annoying.

Ignore the comment. It hurts to leave it when someone is so obviously hurting. It hurts to ignore when you see someone is in pain. There was so much vitriol in that comment, and it made no sense at all. Who ever the guy is he was ranting at someone who he thinks is you or he doesn’t even think it’s you. You don’t need to know what his thoughts were. You can’t heal or save the world. You can’t change everyone. You can’t help everyone. You don’t have the emotional energy to engage with or help this guy. His comment hurt you even though it so obviously wasn’t addressed to you. You don’t need to open yourself to more hurt and pain. You won’t get anything by replying. Maybe you can approve and let others respond. Or don’t. But don’t engage yourself. You’re worth more than that. You deserve love and care. Your love, light and glitter is real regardless of what anon commenter said. Your sunshine is true. You are not darkness or poison. You’re awesome and love. You are beautiful just the way you are. That applies to weight too. You are beautiful and don’t need to lose weight. You don’t need to change anything at all. You don’t need control. You are beautiful and you are worth it.


Love, light and glitter

Two Way Prayer – 28th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: I really want to study today. Plus I’m not sure what to do about work.


Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. You are trying to find out about work. You are doing your part. You will keep trying. You can’t do more and it’s not your responsibility.

Just get moving! It doesn’t help to want something. You actually have to do it. Wanting gets you nowhere. Doing gets you somewhere. So get doing. Until you actually do it, do you really want to? Or are you just saying you want it?

Two Way Prayer – 27th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know that I am not in control.


Intention: I don’t know the right thing to do with AG. I feel stuck because she really needs me. I don’t know where the boundaries lie or whether I should or shouldn’t give to her.


E, there’s never any one right thing. There’s only the best choice in the moment. Should you give to her? She needs you to. You aren’t going to take over. You made it clear that what she wanted yesterday you would give if you could discuss it with her therapist. She’s not wrong to have said no. You’re not wrong to have said no. She wants to spend time with you. You can do so. As long as you keep to the socially distancing rules.

Will you be giving up things? Yup. You’re allowed to give beyond yourself. So long as you keep to your boundaries. I know you don’t know what they are. And that’s okay. Trust yourself. Trust your I tuition. You know when something is okay for you. You knew it wouldn’t be okay for her to sleep by you. Because she is asking for things that aren’t healthy you aren’t sure about the things that are okay.

You can give the things that are okay for you to. Helping her look for a number. Spending time with her. Are healthy things for a friend to do. Just keep to friend activities and you will be okay. You are okay. She will be okay.

It’s okay if you make the wrong choices. That is how you learn….

Love, light, and glitter

Two Way Prayer – Sunday 26th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: There are so many pictures, associations, memories around people and periods of time that are negative, just make me sad to think about, and have played a large part in all I have to let go of to be able to look at judaism and see whether it itself is something I want in my life. I don’t know whether it’s helpful or anything but to think about it. Or how to let it all go.


E, there are 2 kinds of thinking about things. There’s processing so you can move on, then there’s wallowing, hurting for no reason, when thinking about it hurts and won’t help you at all. If you write about it, it’s good for you, you can always stop if it’s not, otherwise remembering just hurts.

How do you let it all go? You don’t need to let it all go before moving on. The letting go is letting go of the pain. Letting go of what Judaism did to your life. Letting go and separating Judaism from the people and circumstances. It’s not Judaism itself that hurt you. Judaism is philosophy. It’s people who misuse and create a religion and culture that in many ways can contravene Judaism itself. It’s people who see it as a box that has to be made smaller and smaller.

Letting go isn’t easy. There’s 2 different things that have to happen here. You have to process what hurt you. Even as you think nothing really happened so you shouldn’t have been hurt. You have to process and accept your experiences for what they were. You’ve never expressed how much you hated seminary. There’s the point. That being a misfit and outcast has nothing to do with religion. And you have to separate the two. You have to separate Judaism from the religious institutions you attended. You have to separate Judaism from your experiences with religion, and with a culture that felt very cult like.

As you know, it works for some people. Because it’s wrong for you doesn’t make it wrong for them. It’s wrong for them to think you are wrong if you don’t live exactly the way they do. It’s not wrong for them to feel the way they do.

Life is a journey. It’s not going to be easy to let it go. First you’ll have to experience it and process it. And you don’t necessarily have to do that now. You can see what you can separate first.

You’re not alone. You can always tune in to reality. You can appreciate the good things. Enjoy the time – which you are doing. Just breathe. Just be.

Also, accept your experiences as your reality. Don’t judge yourself for hurting over what you think shouldn’t hurt. Don’t think about it. Just be with it. Let whatever arises come, whatever doesn’t stay away. Just because you think it shouldn’t make a difference, you’re okay if it does. You wouldn’t judge someone else’s experiences. You would tell them that whatever they felt was what went on for them. Give yourself the same courtesy. Give yourself the same respect and love. You deserve it.

Whatever will be, will be. Trust yourself. You know and have all the answers within yourself.

You are loved.

Two Way Prayer – Friday 24th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: to tune in and let whatever is come up and just be. A couple days ago I didn’t listen to what I wrote and gave advice. And had a way too long conversation with some who I’m not good at keeping boundaries with


Just breathe. Just be. Everything is a learning game. You make the wrong choices so that you see the impact it has and know to choose something different the next time.

Don’t speak to her. You don’t need to. She will want to discuss some valid things that need your input to purchase but ask your father to. Not you. It may end up with something not exactly what you want but that’s worth the payoff for not speaking to her for another few hours. If you discuss it with her it’ll be another few hours conversation hearing her twisted values and trying to twist your words. Not intentionally. She’s not intentionally manipulative. And you’re letting her cross your boundaries. Being that you can’t keep them with her just don’t discuss this purchase. The worst is it’s not perfect. You will be sad, angry and disappointed with that. It’s a waste of a buy because of her issues. Your okayness comes first. If you’re lucky it’ll be something good. You never know. And get your father to discuss it with her. It’s not really fair to him either but you come first.

You heard that yesterday. That you come first. In this situation you do.

You’re worth it. Just breathe and know that you’re okay…


Love, light and glitter

Two way prayer – 23rd April 2020

It’s a bit late in the day. But better late than never 🙂 it still feels like morning to me even though it’s 5pm. It’s really peaceful outside. Because of the lockdown it’s quiet so asides for a few cars and voices the main sounds are those of the wind and birds/little animals.


Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention. I don’t know if I have an intention. Other than to tune in and be. Either I’ll write, or I won’t.


You’re not alone. You’re never alone.

You’re worth it.

(The song is playing in my head. Here for a reason. Ashes remain.)

Every moment is a new choice. Sometimes easier to choose the right one, sometimes harder. Every time you choose the wrong thing you’re one choice closer to the right one.

You get to identify yourself. By whatever you want. Your actions don’t have to define you for you can always take a different actions. Your thoughts and emotions don’t define you. They are fleeting. Your values and principles define you most. They’re who you are. And you get to choose them.

You’re defined by love. By consciousness. You’re a part of the unity of the world, so you get to define your own part but either way you’re characterised by love, infinity and everythingness.


This wasn’t what I planned on writing …

If you do any version of this, and are happy to share it, please do.

Love, light, and glitter

Two way Prayer- 22nd April 2020

I didn’t plan on doing this on here, but I’m outside with my phone, not my journal. My way of doing this is to either write, or not. No right or wrong. Just is. Just be. The sun is shining and I should really move into the shade. Especially as I have no suncream on. But I like this :).


Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: For today I want to spend the day with awareness of the connection and unity. For today I want to live seeing others as beings, imperfect and doing their best, it’s not about me. For today I want to respond or leave situations rather than reacting.


A moment at a time, you’ve got this. Just breathe. Tune in. Let it be. Love. Laugh. Breathe again. As you day they’re all human beings who are doing their best. Take the natural – to react – and breathe. Change the patterns you were 4aised with. You may be surprised to see how others will react less too.

Also, E, you aren’t responsible to point out to others how they may improve their relationships. You’re right with what you know, but leave it. Even if it helps them, leave it. It’s not your responsibility. If they ask you, it’s a different story. It doesn’t matter why people are the way they are. It doesn’t matter who or what has caused it. Stay out. Stay away.

Love. Love them. Be there for them. Do what you’re doing. Give. Encourage. Acknowledge their good. Build. The rest isn’t up to you. You can’t fix others mistakes, and you don’t need to. You can’t change others, and you don’t need to. What’s in your hands is your actions alone.

Onto that, reacting or not reacting is in your hands. You don’t need to be perfect E. You just need to change the patterns. You aren’t going to build new pathways in one minute however much you wish to. And you aren’t expected to. You’ve seen the harm reacting causes in your family. You see how once your mothers reacted the backtracking is too late. As said, you can’t fix her mistakes and you aren’t meant to. You’re meant to be you. Responsible for your corner of the world. Responsible for your choices. You can’t never react in just one day.

Just breathe. Just be. I’m with you. If you tune into it. You’ve got this E. A moment at a time. Enjoy the beauty, appreciate the times you’ve acted and not reacted – more often than you’re giving yourself credit for. Enjoy the ride. I’m with you every moment of it.

Love, light, and glitter

Two Way Prayer- 7th April 2020

If you are interested in doing two way prayer, or do it, and are happy to, I’d love to see how it works for you.

Serenity prayer

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention

Today I want to stay calm. Internally and externally. I don’t want to react to others. I want to let go of the pain, not live with the frustration of others words and comments, and just be.


Let go by just being. Come outside more, it’s here for you. It’s (others comments, actions and reactions) not about you, but them. You can do it. A moment at a time. If it’s too much for you, leave the situation. Go to your room. Or come outside. Or drive. Don’t stay with it until it builds up. They are them. You can’t change them, and you don’t need to. This way is right for them. Their putting theirs on you isn’t right, but that’s not your issue. You need to let go and leave when they are doing it. They’re not intentionally trying to hurt you. Some know no better and others are trying to get their needs met.

Is this blog helpful for me?

Not if you focus too much on others. It’ll only help you if you use it to move on. Thinking about them and what they’re doing wrong just gets you stuck in their mind. Remember, this path may be right for them, even if it’s not right for you. You’re using this blog to help you find your own path. You don’t need to recreate the paths, just find which one is yours, without running so far from theirs that you just wall in the opposite direction instead of coming to your own.

It doesn’t matter if you choose the wrong path, for you can always change directions. It matters if you choose it for the wrong reasons, for then you’ll just be stuck in the mud on that pathway.

Two Way Prayer – 6th April 2020

Serenity prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference

Intention

How will I get through today?

Ramblings

(You’ll get through today) One moment at a time. You’re not finding it easy. To be. And you’re doing it. A moment at a time. You only have to do it for a moment at a time. Drive. Watch movies which you haven’t done in a while. Walk. Cook. Call people. It seems endless. You only have to do the next right thing. And trust yourself. You have all the answers within. They’re all within you. You just have to discover them. And trust yourself that you know the truth. Trust your knowledge. Trust your instincts.

You’ll get through the day by just being. By knowing you’re not alone. Never alone. You can tune into the wisdom within us any time. You can also come outside at any time, and just be with nature, with the winds blowing, the birds chirping, hear the children in the distance. You have your garden here, especially for you. You’ll need it over 3 day yom tov when you can’t drive at all. When you’ll try not to write or watch anything. So enjoy it. It’s here just for you.


Letter to myself

Two Way Prayer – Sunday 5th April 2020

How can I do two way prayer?

I don’t think I have to write, just be. Or sit up straight. Lying down is cool, too.

Serenity prayer

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention

I think this serenity prayer is my intention. To try tune in, connect to a source, just be, and know that this is what I want- to be with what I can’t change, change what I can, and know the difference.


I cannot change wanting to use mess up, or destroy myself. It is up to me what I do with it.

I cannot change how those around me are getting upset with others, and aren’t keeping to hygiene regulations. I can stay calm with them regardless.

I cannot change whether I freak out or not. It is up to me whether I stay with it – when it is up to me it is a choice (sometimes I cut off and it’s not by choice).

I cannot change my upbringing. I get to choose what to teach others what messages I send to the world.


E, just do your best, and the rest is not up to you. You’ll learn to recognise your choices and what they are more and more, the more experience you gain. You may choose incorrectly, and that is okay. Every moment is a new choice. For you to tune in. For you to just be. Remember when you were 13, the awesomeness you lived with, with every breath? If you take away everything that everyone including yourself taught you, you can get back to that.

It is only for this moment. One moment at a time.