Letting go

When I was sitting thinking for an hour I realised that I have to let go of all the negativity towards a source, all the anger and resentment I feel. The only person it hurts is me. It doesn’t serve me. Being hurt with people doesn’t help me. Or bring me the knowledge and connection I want, crave, and need. The only way to get it is to let go. Which is when I wrote this song – at the end of an hour sitting on a table in a park with nothing but my unopened journal.

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)

They hurt me

They did their best

They hurt me

They made a mess

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)

Carrying this pain around

Drags me down, down, down

Carrying it with me

Stops me going to town, town, town

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go go go go go)

I need to let it go

They tried

They acted on their beliefs

They tried

They didn’t care about me

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)

One day, one day

They may, or may not know

One day, one day

They may, or may not

Find a better way

I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)

Let it go

So that I can be free

Let it go

So that I can be me

Let it go

So I will just be

Let it go

I need to let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go

Let. It. Go

One day. One day. One day.

Let. It. Go.

I need to let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go

Let it go (let it go).

Fitting in vs Belonging (Brene Brown)

It’s difficult for me to imagine now, but at one time, I had an unreasonable aversion to reading anything written by author Brene Brown. I don’t know how it began. Actually, I do. A friend suggested I read a book written by Ms. Brown. I thought said friend was subtly suggesting I needed to work […]

Three Cheers For True Belonging

This post explains the difference between fitting in and belonging. It reminds me of the culture I grew up in.

I don’t think that is what Judaism is. There are cultures within Judaism that aren’t as right wing. In the culture I grew up in, you have a dress a certain way, talk a certain way… that doesn’t take away any of the beauty. I know if I leave Judaism any of the ‘friends’ from the school I went to wouldn’t be my friends.

It isn’t Judaism. I work with some people where individuality is celebrated. It’s the culture’s and sub cultures in Judaism. And this post just highlights what exactly bothers me so much about the culture I grew up in. The cult within the culture.

Two Way Prayer – 30th April 2020

I planned on going outside but I’m still on my bed, so… any place is the perfect place to tune in 🙂

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention: to tune in and let it lead me.

You’re letting go of some of the responsibility that isn’t yours. Still taking some. Trying to change that which isn’t your too. There is no one right way. There is the best/safest way for you. When it’s a choice you can make, not what you feel you have to do.

You are awesome and worth it and so very enough. Just as you are.

Let it go. You are. Some. You’re letting some of the toxicity roll off you. Some, lots, you have to let go. Engaging or explaining it to others won’t help you. Though it’ll help you build your relationship with them so has its benefits.

Love. And know you are love. Trust. And know you are trustworthy. Give. Know that you are given to. Hope. Live. Laugh. Enjoy. Relax. And love every moment of the journey.

Two Way Prayer – Sunday 26th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention: There are so many pictures, associations, memories around people and periods of time that are negative, just make me sad to think about, and have played a large part in all I have to let go of to be able to look at judaism and see whether it itself is something I want in my life. I don’t know whether it’s helpful or anything but to think about it. Or how to let it all go.

E, there are 2 kinds of thinking about things. There’s processing so you can move on, then there’s wallowing, hurting for no reason, when thinking about it hurts and won’t help you at all. If you write about it, it’s good for you, you can always stop if it’s not, otherwise remembering just hurts.

How do you let it all go? You don’t need to let it all go before moving on. The letting go is letting go of the pain. Letting go of what Judaism did to your life. Letting go and separating Judaism from the people and circumstances. It’s not Judaism itself that hurt you. Judaism is philosophy. It’s people who misuse and create a religion and culture that in many ways can contravene Judaism itself. It’s people who see it as a box that has to be made smaller and smaller.

Letting go isn’t easy. There’s 2 different things that have to happen here. You have to process what hurt you. Even as you think nothing really happened so you shouldn’t have been hurt. You have to process and accept your experiences for what they were. You’ve never expressed how much you hated seminary. There’s the point. That being a misfit and outcast has nothing to do with religion. And you have to separate the two. You have to separate Judaism from the religious institutions you attended. You have to separate Judaism from your experiences with religion, and with a culture that felt very cult like.

As you know, it works for some people. Because it’s wrong for you doesn’t make it wrong for them. It’s wrong for them to think you are wrong if you don’t live exactly the way they do. It’s not wrong for them to feel the way they do.

Life is a journey. It’s not going to be easy to let it go. First you’ll have to experience it and process it. And you don’t necessarily have to do that now. You can see what you can separate first.

You’re not alone. You can always tune in to reality. You can appreciate the good things. Enjoy the time – which you are doing. Just breathe. Just be.

Also, accept your experiences as your reality. Don’t judge yourself for hurting over what you think shouldn’t hurt. Don’t think about it. Just be with it. Let whatever arises come, whatever doesn’t stay away. Just because you think it shouldn’t make a difference, you’re okay if it does. You wouldn’t judge someone else’s experiences. You would tell them that whatever they felt was what went on for them. Give yourself the same courtesy. Give yourself the same respect and love. You deserve it.

Whatever will be, will be. Trust yourself. You know and have all the answers within yourself.

You are loved.

Two Way Prayer – Friday 24th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention: to tune in and let whatever is come up and just be. A couple days ago I didn’t listen to what I wrote and gave advice. And had a way too long conversation with some who I’m not good at keeping boundaries with

Just breathe. Just be. Everything is a learning game. You make the wrong choices so that you see the impact it has and know to choose something different the next time.

Don’t speak to her. You don’t need to. She will want to discuss some valid things that need your input to purchase but ask your father to. Not you. It may end up with something not exactly what you want but that’s worth the payoff for not speaking to her for another few hours. If you discuss it with her it’ll be another few hours conversation hearing her twisted values and trying to twist your words. Not intentionally. She’s not intentionally manipulative. And you’re letting her cross your boundaries. Being that you can’t keep them with her just don’t discuss this purchase. The worst is it’s not perfect. You will be sad, angry and disappointed with that. It’s a waste of a buy because of her issues. Your okayness comes first. If you’re lucky it’ll be something good. You never know. And get your father to discuss it with her. It’s not really fair to him either but you come first.

You heard that yesterday. That you come first. In this situation you do.

You’re worth it. Just breathe and know that you’re okay…

Love, light and glitter

Two Way Prayer- 7th April 2020

If you are interested in doing two way prayer, or do it, and are happy to, I’d love to see how it works for you.

Serenity prayer

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Today I want to stay calm. Internally and externally. I don’t want to react to others. I want to let go of the pain, not live with the frustration of others words and comments, and just be.

Let go by just being. Come outside more, it’s here for you. It’s (others comments, actions and reactions) not about you, but them. You can do it. A moment at a time. If it’s too much for you, leave the situation. Go to your room. Or come outside. Or drive. Don’t stay with it until it builds up. They are them. You can’t change them, and you don’t need to. This way is right for them. Their putting theirs on you isn’t right, but that’s not your issue. You need to let go and leave when they are doing it. They’re not intentionally trying to hurt you. Some know no better and others are trying to get their needs met.

Is this blog helpful for me?

Not if you focus too much on others. It’ll only help you if you use it to move on. Thinking about them and what they’re doing wrong just gets you stuck in their mind. Remember, this path may be right for them, even if it’s not right for you. You’re using this blog to help you find your own path. You don’t need to recreate the paths, just find which one is yours, without running so far from theirs that you just wall in the opposite direction instead of coming to your own.

It doesn’t matter if you choose the wrong path, for you can always change directions. It matters if you choose it for the wrong reasons, for then you’ll just be stuck in the mud on that pathway.

Two Way Prayer – 3rd April 2020

(Serenity prayer) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

How can I do the right things?

My child, you can but try.

What if trying isn’t enough?

Trying is always enough.

There is your part to play. You are responsible only for your part. You can’t change others. You can’t do anything to stop their (them from) hurting people (through their words). You can watch, breathe, learn for yourself what you want and don’t want (to be), and just try to implement the change (that you don’t want to be reacting like they do). No one is perfect, and you don’t have to be perfect. You can be with connection, with infinity, always. All you have to do is tune in. The door is open for you. Is your heart open? Is your door open? Come, embrace love. Embrace yourself. Embrace knowledge. It’s all yours. Others views aren’t correct. Neither are they all wrong. Just because it is wrong for you, it doesn’t make it wrong for them. It can be right for them. You’re all different. Your paths to connection will be different. You are okay as you are.

What about Judaism? Is it true?

That’s something only you can answer. You can know. You get to choose.

I don’t want to make the wrong choices?

There are no wrong choices. There are choices you learn from. Either you learn what to continue doing, or you learn what will be better tried a different way.

You are loved. You are perfect. Just as you are. And every moment is a new moment of choice, and connection.

Should I (go for a) run?


Two Way Prayer – 2nd April 2020

(Serenity prayer) Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today I want to be able to tune into the source of the universe. And, I can.

Infinity, help me not to react today, to spread peace and serenity and okayness.

E, you’ve got this. You’re not perfect and you don’t need to be.

Remind yourself of the bigger picture. Breathe. Get exercise. And stay calm. You’re worth it, and all those around you are worth it. You’re loved. You’re precious. As is everyone else. Your mother is loved. She is doing her best. You can help her. Without telling her what is wrong with anything she does. By being there for her. First of all for yourself. Give yourself what you need so you can give (to) others. You can tune in whenever you wish. From this end the door is always open, it’s just your door that has to stay open. You are light. You can spread the light. And be light. You are loved.

Today is a new day. Face it with courage and wisdom. Breathe. Love. Laugh. Live. I’m so glad you are here.

Two Way Prayer – Tuesday 31st March 2020

God, what is the best way for me to connect to you?

By just being.

How do I know what the right thing for me to do is?

Should I work through what I believe? Whether Judaism is true?


But, let go of the pain. Write it out. Or speak it out. Forgive. Understand they don’t know better. Feel bad for them. And choose your path.

Let it go song

This is when I decided to start this blog. And see whether I continue it or not.

What is Two Way Prayer?

Two way prayer. There are a couple of sites you can read about it on. Shira writes about it which is where I first read it. There is a two way prayer site which is also a great place to look.

Two way prayer basically means tuning into a source and letting that source speak to you, through you.

The site recommends setting your intention and writing whatever you think about that for 5 minutes. They suggest writing and tuning in to a source. Which is one easy to go about it. My understanding slightly differs.

When I first did this what I noticed was that whatever I wrote was eerily similar to anything I would write in the letters I write to myself. Thinking about it, that makes a lot of sense. The purpose of two way prayer is tuning into a consciousness and letting that consciousness speak to you. When I write to myself I’m writing from my inner conversation. I tune into a part of myself that is compassionate, loving and wise. I tune into something I never knew existed.

The entire world is energy. The consciousness of the world, and my consciousness, are in reality the same thing. So it makes sense to me that if I set an intention and write about it, the writing would be similar to the letters I write to myself.

The way I view two way prayer however, isn’t that I have to write. Rather, tune in. And see what will be. The first time I did this was on Wednesday- a few days ago – which is when I wrote my song about letting go. I sat in the park for an hour. I set my intention. And I decided to start this blog. I understood what I had to let go of. And why. Since then I’ve been able to define it, and I understand now why people have told me it’d be better not to live at home. I understand why my sister had to leave Judaism – throwing put the bathwater meant throwing out all the accumulated debris within it without sorting through it to see if there were any diamonds she wanted to keep. Tuning in, after setting an intention, actually gave me dome answers.

That’s what I see two way prayer looking like. Setting a goal/thought to focus on, and then just tuning in to the source. My best place to do this would be in nature. If it weren’t outside then journaling for 5 minutes is what I would do for I wouldn’t be able to focus.

What do you think of two way prayer? What would it look like to you?

I hope to try it for the recommended 30 days. I don’t know about shabbat or such. Tomorrow will be day 6.

Love, light, and glitter