Letting go

When I was sitting thinking for an hour I realised that I have to let go of all the negativity towards a source, all the anger and resentment I feel. The only person it hurts is me. It doesn’t serve me. Being hurt with people doesn’t help me. Or bring me the knowledge and connection I want, crave, and need. The only way to get it is to let go. Which is when I wrote this song – at the end of an hour sitting on a table in a park with nothing but my unopened journal.


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)


They hurt me

They did their best

They hurt me

They made a mess


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)


Carrying this pain around

Drags me down, down, down

Carrying it with me

Stops me going to town, town, town


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go go go go go)


I need to let it go


They tried

They acted on their beliefs

They tried

They didn’t care about me


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)


One day, one day

They may, or may not know

One day, one day

They may, or may not

Find a better way


I need to let it go,

Let it go

Let it go, let it go (let it go)


Let it go

So that I can be free

Let it go

So that I can be me

Let it go

So I will just be

Let it go


I need to let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go


Let. It. Go


One day. One day. One day.


Let. It. Go.


I need to let it go, let it go

Let it go, let it go

Let it go (let it go).

Two Way Prayer – 27th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know that I am not in control.


Intention: I don’t know the right thing to do with AG. I feel stuck because she really needs me. I don’t know where the boundaries lie or whether I should or shouldn’t give to her.


E, there’s never any one right thing. There’s only the best choice in the moment. Should you give to her? She needs you to. You aren’t going to take over. You made it clear that what she wanted yesterday you would give if you could discuss it with her therapist. She’s not wrong to have said no. You’re not wrong to have said no. She wants to spend time with you. You can do so. As long as you keep to the socially distancing rules.

Will you be giving up things? Yup. You’re allowed to give beyond yourself. So long as you keep to your boundaries. I know you don’t know what they are. And that’s okay. Trust yourself. Trust your I tuition. You know when something is okay for you. You knew it wouldn’t be okay for her to sleep by you. Because she is asking for things that aren’t healthy you aren’t sure about the things that are okay.

You can give the things that are okay for you to. Helping her look for a number. Spending time with her. Are healthy things for a friend to do. Just keep to friend activities and you will be okay. You are okay. She will be okay.

It’s okay if you make the wrong choices. That is how you learn….

Love, light, and glitter

Two Way Prayer – Sunday 26th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: There are so many pictures, associations, memories around people and periods of time that are negative, just make me sad to think about, and have played a large part in all I have to let go of to be able to look at judaism and see whether it itself is something I want in my life. I don’t know whether it’s helpful or anything but to think about it. Or how to let it all go.


E, there are 2 kinds of thinking about things. There’s processing so you can move on, then there’s wallowing, hurting for no reason, when thinking about it hurts and won’t help you at all. If you write about it, it’s good for you, you can always stop if it’s not, otherwise remembering just hurts.

How do you let it all go? You don’t need to let it all go before moving on. The letting go is letting go of the pain. Letting go of what Judaism did to your life. Letting go and separating Judaism from the people and circumstances. It’s not Judaism itself that hurt you. Judaism is philosophy. It’s people who misuse and create a religion and culture that in many ways can contravene Judaism itself. It’s people who see it as a box that has to be made smaller and smaller.

Letting go isn’t easy. There’s 2 different things that have to happen here. You have to process what hurt you. Even as you think nothing really happened so you shouldn’t have been hurt. You have to process and accept your experiences for what they were. You’ve never expressed how much you hated seminary. There’s the point. That being a misfit and outcast has nothing to do with religion. And you have to separate the two. You have to separate Judaism from the religious institutions you attended. You have to separate Judaism from your experiences with religion, and with a culture that felt very cult like.

As you know, it works for some people. Because it’s wrong for you doesn’t make it wrong for them. It’s wrong for them to think you are wrong if you don’t live exactly the way they do. It’s not wrong for them to feel the way they do.

Life is a journey. It’s not going to be easy to let it go. First you’ll have to experience it and process it. And you don’t necessarily have to do that now. You can see what you can separate first.

You’re not alone. You can always tune in to reality. You can appreciate the good things. Enjoy the time – which you are doing. Just breathe. Just be.

Also, accept your experiences as your reality. Don’t judge yourself for hurting over what you think shouldn’t hurt. Don’t think about it. Just be with it. Let whatever arises come, whatever doesn’t stay away. Just because you think it shouldn’t make a difference, you’re okay if it does. You wouldn’t judge someone else’s experiences. You would tell them that whatever they felt was what went on for them. Give yourself the same courtesy. Give yourself the same respect and love. You deserve it.

Whatever will be, will be. Trust yourself. You know and have all the answers within yourself.

You are loved.

Two Way Prayer – Friday 24th April 2020

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention: to tune in and let whatever is come up and just be. A couple days ago I didn’t listen to what I wrote and gave advice. And had a way too long conversation with some who I’m not good at keeping boundaries with


Just breathe. Just be. Everything is a learning game. You make the wrong choices so that you see the impact it has and know to choose something different the next time.

Don’t speak to her. You don’t need to. She will want to discuss some valid things that need your input to purchase but ask your father to. Not you. It may end up with something not exactly what you want but that’s worth the payoff for not speaking to her for another few hours. If you discuss it with her it’ll be another few hours conversation hearing her twisted values and trying to twist your words. Not intentionally. She’s not intentionally manipulative. And you’re letting her cross your boundaries. Being that you can’t keep them with her just don’t discuss this purchase. The worst is it’s not perfect. You will be sad, angry and disappointed with that. It’s a waste of a buy because of her issues. Your okayness comes first. If you’re lucky it’ll be something good. You never know. And get your father to discuss it with her. It’s not really fair to him either but you come first.

You heard that yesterday. That you come first. In this situation you do.

You’re worth it. Just breathe and know that you’re okay…


Love, light and glitter

Two way prayer – 23rd April 2020

It’s a bit late in the day. But better late than never 🙂 it still feels like morning to me even though it’s 5pm. It’s really peaceful outside. Because of the lockdown it’s quiet so asides for a few cars and voices the main sounds are those of the wind and birds/little animals.


Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Intention. I don’t know if I have an intention. Other than to tune in and be. Either I’ll write, or I won’t.


You’re not alone. You’re never alone.

You’re worth it.

(The song is playing in my head. Here for a reason. Ashes remain.)

Every moment is a new choice. Sometimes easier to choose the right one, sometimes harder. Every time you choose the wrong thing you’re one choice closer to the right one.

You get to identify yourself. By whatever you want. Your actions don’t have to define you for you can always take a different actions. Your thoughts and emotions don’t define you. They are fleeting. Your values and principles define you most. They’re who you are. And you get to choose them.

You’re defined by love. By consciousness. You’re a part of the unity of the world, so you get to define your own part but either way you’re characterised by love, infinity and everythingness.


This wasn’t what I planned on writing …

If you do any version of this, and are happy to share it, please do.

Love, light, and glitter

Two Way Prayer- 7th April 2020

If you are interested in doing two way prayer, or do it, and are happy to, I’d love to see how it works for you.

Serenity prayer

Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Intention

Today I want to stay calm. Internally and externally. I don’t want to react to others. I want to let go of the pain, not live with the frustration of others words and comments, and just be.


Let go by just being. Come outside more, it’s here for you. It’s (others comments, actions and reactions) not about you, but them. You can do it. A moment at a time. If it’s too much for you, leave the situation. Go to your room. Or come outside. Or drive. Don’t stay with it until it builds up. They are them. You can’t change them, and you don’t need to. This way is right for them. Their putting theirs on you isn’t right, but that’s not your issue. You need to let go and leave when they are doing it. They’re not intentionally trying to hurt you. Some know no better and others are trying to get their needs met.

Is this blog helpful for me?

Not if you focus too much on others. It’ll only help you if you use it to move on. Thinking about them and what they’re doing wrong just gets you stuck in their mind. Remember, this path may be right for them, even if it’s not right for you. You’re using this blog to help you find your own path. You don’t need to recreate the paths, just find which one is yours, without running so far from theirs that you just wall in the opposite direction instead of coming to your own.

It doesn’t matter if you choose the wrong path, for you can always change directions. It matters if you choose it for the wrong reasons, for then you’ll just be stuck in the mud on that pathway.

Two Way Prayer – 3rd April 2020

(Serenity prayer) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

How can I do the right things?

My child, you can but try.

What if trying isn’t enough?

Trying is always enough.

There is your part to play. You are responsible only for your part. You can’t change others. You can’t do anything to stop their (them from) hurting people (through their words). You can watch, breathe, learn for yourself what you want and don’t want (to be), and just try to implement the change (that you don’t want to be reacting like they do). No one is perfect, and you don’t have to be perfect. You can be with connection, with infinity, always. All you have to do is tune in. The door is open for you. Is your heart open? Is your door open? Come, embrace love. Embrace yourself. Embrace knowledge. It’s all yours. Others views aren’t correct. Neither are they all wrong. Just because it is wrong for you, it doesn’t make it wrong for them. It can be right for them. You’re all different. Your paths to connection will be different. You are okay as you are.

What about Judaism? Is it true?

That’s something only you can answer. You can know. You get to choose.

I don’t want to make the wrong choices?

There are no wrong choices. There are choices you learn from. Either you learn what to continue doing, or you learn what will be better tried a different way.

You are loved. You are perfect. Just as you are. And every moment is a new moment of choice, and connection.

Should I (go for a) run?

Yes!

Two Way Prayer – 2nd April 2020

(Serenity prayer) Infinity, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today I want to be able to tune into the source of the universe. And, I can.

Infinity, help me not to react today, to spread peace and serenity and okayness.

E, you’ve got this. You’re not perfect and you don’t need to be.

Remind yourself of the bigger picture. Breathe. Get exercise. And stay calm. You’re worth it, and all those around you are worth it. You’re loved. You’re precious. As is everyone else. Your mother is loved. She is doing her best. You can help her. Without telling her what is wrong with anything she does. By being there for her. First of all for yourself. Give yourself what you need so you can give (to) others. You can tune in whenever you wish. From this end the door is always open, it’s just your door that has to stay open. You are light. You can spread the light. And be light. You are loved.

Today is a new day. Face it with courage and wisdom. Breathe. Love. Laugh. Live. I’m so glad you are here.

Two Way Prayer – Wednesday 1st April 2020

God, help me to recognise grief as grief, and not as darkness. Help me to process the grief, and feel it.

Just be, and allow yourself to be without analysing it.

How do I be?

Practice mindfulness of breath for a few minutes every day. Forgive yourself. You did your best. You are okay. What others do isn’t your issue. Do your best. The rest is up to me, a source, and not you. Let it go.

Grief is normal. Grief isn’t darkness. Think about her (aunt who passed on) when you think of darkness and let yourself be with the pain. I am with you always. I love you. I’m not the god of those who raised you. I’m light, and love (and sparkles). I am you.


What I noticed when writing this was how much it was like the letters to myself, and how I was telling myself what I needed to hear even though it wasn’t directly my intention to think about that. Some of this was in response to what I’d been thinking about the prior day.

Two Way Prayer – Tuesday 31st March 2020

God, what is the best way for me to connect to you?

By just being.

How do I know what the right thing for me to do is?

Should I work through what I believe? Whether Judaism is true?

No.

But, let go of the pain. Write it out. Or speak it out. Forgive. Understand they don’t know better. Feel bad for them. And choose your path.

Let it go song

This is when I decided to start this blog. And see whether I continue it or not.