Yom kippur. It’s Yom Kippur tomorrow night.
A few months ago I realised that I wanted to leave home to be able to live without the culture I grew up in. When I cut off emotionally from religion, wrong words, when I made that choice, that I wasn’t living with religion, my relationship with Judaism has in turn shifted. I never worked through what I believed about Judaism – as in whether it’s true or not, because there is way too much emotion tied in. Way too much pain, hurt, and anger. I knew, know, I have to leave this culture. Choosing to leave the culture, even though at the moment I don’t see a way to physically leave, has given me space to see Judaism without ‘religion’.
What I grew up with, although there really is and was so much beauty, isn’t Judaism.
A friend came over today and told me she was upset she couldn’t fast on Yom Kippur. She really will be fasting. She will be eating a few morsels of food in order to take steroids. it made me want to scream. That she felt she wasn’t celebrating the day. So I gave her the jewish view. The jewish view with Hebrew explanations even though I keep away as much as possible from Hebrew.
Yom kippur is a day of – what does it mean? I asked her what the day is about. It’s about teshuvah (translated incorrectly as repentance). Teshuvah comes from the root word shiv, which means to return. To return where? To return to what? To return to yourself.
Mitzvah – mostly translated as commandments – comes from the root word tzav, connection.
First sharing the images I uploaded before beginning to write this.
What is this world? This world is finite amongst infinity. The finite means that it has to be a reflection of infinity. So if you are believing that Judaism is truth, then what you are saying is that the infinite has put down some facts about infinity, and tells the finite what the infinite is. So following what the infinite is makes you infinite. Or in god words (I just hate the word god because it has religious connotations), god is saying this is what makes you god like. So the rules of Judaism, if judaism is true, is what god says is the way to connect. So about fasting. God says fasting on yom kippur will bring you connection to me. So when my friend can’t fast in the usual way since she has to eat with the steroids (that she’s taking die to covid after effect complications), she is connecting to god through eating.
Which is what I basically said to her.
And it makes me so frustrated when jewish people look at the world through the lens of religion, rather than the lens of judaism.
So it’s Yom Kippur tomorrow night.
No, I’m not fasting. I wouldn’t be fasting either way as fasting would be one of the worst things possible for me. I don’t care about the religious aspect. The word religion bothers me so much. So move on because that isn’t for now.
Yom Kippur. I’m Jewish. Whether I do or don’t believe the bible to be Truth, I’m Jewish. What does this day mean to me? What will this day mean to me?
I doubt I’ll be writing about it on YK, which is in however many hours time, so the time is now. To decide what it means to me. To understand what it means to me.
Yom Kippur. I think it’s just about connection. Not through anything. Just through existing. Every moment of choosing life is choosing choice, is choosing a source, is choosing connection, is choosing to be. Every moment of living through Yom Kippur is a choice to connect to infinity.
Yom Kippur. Kippur means cleansing. Which really means going from one place to another.
So in many ways, what Yom Kippur really is is choosing life. I know not for others. But talking about for myself here.
Something I was thinking. I don’t pray. I don’t believe in ‘prayer’ in the typical sense. Were I to pray, I’d definitely pray for death. If I’d believe in Judaism then there is no point in me doing anything to end it. For if I’m meant to live, I will survive anything I do. If I’m not meant to, I won’t either way. Which I don’t think I mind.
Yom Kippur. I think the day is one of choosing life.